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The Good News and Bad News About Self-Control
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by Dr. Pauline Wallin February, 2004 -- There is a lot of talk about self- control at this time of year, but most people give up on their efforts after a couple of weeks (or in the case of some of my past attempts, "by lunchtime.") Changing habits, as you know, is not always easy. You can, however, maximize your success by knowing a bit about the psychology of self-control. There has been much research in this area, which I have summarized in my book, "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide for Transforming Self-defeating Behavior." Here are some of the findings: First the bad news SELF-CONTROL WORKS LIKE A MUSCLE. It requires considerable effort, especially at first, which depletes you of energy to do other things. For example if you've just spent an hour lifting heavy weights at the gym, you won't have much energy left for moving furniture when you get home. Similarly, if you've spent the day vigilantly controlling a bad habit such as smoking or overeating, you may have difficulty managing your temper later on. This is the reason why people tend to get crabby when they're trying to make a major behavioral change. CERTAIN CONDITIONS MAKE IT MORE DIFFICULT TO EXERCISE SELF- CONTROL. Some of these include fatigue, stress, situational cues and certain ways of thinking. If you are stressed or tired, you're already depleted of energy. You may not have enough energy left over to keep your "inner brat" from grabbing that cookie or cigarette, or from yelling at your kids. It's no surprise that most people go off their diets or get into heated arguments at night, when they're tired or stressed from the demands of their day. But here's some good news LIKE MUSCLE TRAINING, SELF-CONTROL TRAINING EVENTUALLY BECOMES EASIER. The more you exercise your muscles, the stronger they become, such that you can lift more weight with less effort. In the same way, the more you practice self-control, the easier it will become. This works for a variety of problems including bad habits, procrastination, hot temper and other problems that arise out of impulses. Keep in mind that practice has to be consistent in order to pay off. Here is some more helpful information MUSCLE TRAINING AND SELF-CONTROL TRAINING BOTH REQUIRE PERIODS OF REST. Physical training experts say that the most effective way to increase your strength is to work the muscles only on alternating days, giving them time to rest in between. Self-control also needs rest, but obviously not on the same type of schedule. I'm not suggesting here that you smoke or drink on alternating days if you are trying to quit. However, it is important that you get enough rest in the form of sleep, recreation, or relaxation. This will help keep you mentally fresh and more able to sustain your resolve to change bad habits. PAYING CONSTANT ATTENTION TO THE HABIT YOU'RE TRYING TO CONTROL CAN ACTUALLY MAKE IT WORSE. You know that if you are trying to cut down on junk food it's easier not to be around it, or if you have resolved to curb your spending, it's a good idea to stay out of the stores. OK, that takes care of situational temptation. But it's also important to keep your mind off whatever you're trying to control. For example, if you keep thinking about a hot fudge sundae and about the fact that you're not going to have one, this only gives your inner brat more opportunity to try to convince you to give in. The best way to get your mind off something is NOT to say to yourself, "I'm not going to think about XYZ," because this only makes you pay more attention to it. Better to distract yourself with something else to keep your mind busy. Eventually your inner brat will quiet down. Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in Camp Hill, PA, and author of "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide for Transforming Self-defeating Behavior" (Beyond Words Publishing, 2001) Visit www.innerbrat.com for more information, and subscribe to her free, monthly Inner Brat Newsletter.
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